Thursday, August 24, 2006

Lauren's Poem.

Jodie's bestest, bestest friend, School Teacher Lauren has written her a poem, which I reproduce without comment, though you may be advised to get a friend to hold back your hair before you read it.




A Poem About Jodie



Her name was Jodie

And she had long hair

Wherever she goes

The people all stare



She smokes like a chimney

And drinks like a fish

And stumbles round nightclubs

Saying "give us a kisssh!"



She lives in a cottage

With two lovely dogs

She's broken lots of hearts

And kissed lots of frogs



She's lovely and pretty

She's misunderstood!

If you'd seen her, you'd love her

I know that you would



She's got a big truck

That she drives around town

Her skin is rich olive

And her eyes are deep brown



She dances in moonlight

And sleeps by the day

She doesn't give a damn

What the people will say



She's outrageous and fiery

She's warm and she's kind

She's a busty young lady

With a "cheekie" behind!



Her life is a quest

Of adventure and fun

She's sparkly like a diamond

That glares in the sun



This poem is silly

But it speaks of the truth

So here's to your loveliness

I'm glad your name isn't Ruth!

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Corey Haim (But Didn't Ask Because You'd Never Heard of Him)

Now Jodie tells us she's been seeing a celebrity who doesn't want her to mention him in her blog. Could this mystery man be:
I have taken the Hollywood superstar Corey Haim (he starred in the film The Lost Boys) on a night out in Brentwood. I took him to my brother's gig (which he loved) and then Sugar Hut. People everywhere we doing double-takes as he walked past. Nobody could quite believe that a legend like Corey would be in little ol' Brentwood!


A man with a 'colourful' past: http://bedpan30.tripod.com/haim5.html. And a similar attitude to drugs to her own? http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/251.html

I really think drugs are for losers and I don't have any sympathy for anyone who goes into rehab - J. Marsh

She's Back! And Madder Than Ever...



She's had an incredibly taumatic time, but
I put on my best brave face ever though and even managed a little dance to my favourite Queen song "Don't Stop me Now". After that I went on a bender for a few weeks and am still on it now... I've had another 3 tattoos since I last wrote as well. One is a huge silhouette of a devil-woman down the back of my leg (below), one is a naked woman down my side (above)and one is on my arm and says "Life's too short". It refers to the fact that life really is just generally too short and it also means Life is too short a sentence for a murderer.I now have fourteen tattoos. I know I have a problem but the way I see it, being addicted to tattoos is better than being addicted to drugs or alcohol or anything else like that.


So no contradictions there. Been 'on a bender' for weeks but has a dig at those with a drink or drug problem. And of course 'Life's too short a sentence for murder.'

That's Jodie with her mate Dave Courtney, who boasts that he killed a man and was (wrongly) acquitted.

Now we all know Jodie dispproves of drugs, don't we? So when I spent a very drunken day at the V festival it couldn't have been her the Mirror were talking about when they asked,
WICKED WHISPER
Eva Simpson & Caroline Hedley

WHICH busty has-been was seen trying to score drugs at a recent festival? T he reality T V no-mark made a tit of her self when she asked a security guard for drugs and nearly got ejected.


And now I can finally unveil the huge silhouette of a devil-woman down the back of my leg

Friday, August 11, 2006

Jodie Marsh Works Shock!


Yes, Jodie Marsh has found paid employment
. And even work which entailed her keeping her top on!

Though not for all that long I see.
Model Jodie Marsh was booed by spectators during Jersey's annual Battle of Flowers parade.

As a result of the crowd's reaction she did not finish her trip in a car around the Battle arena.


Rather reminiscent of th time she reported in her blog where she turned up drunk for a club PA, rambled on drunkenly, was booed, and was back drinking with her cronies within an hour.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Where is Jodie Marsh?



After the above sighting she's virtually disappeared. There was the "milk the grief" interview on Richard and Judy.where she discussed her ex-boyfriend's conviction for murder. Keen students of body language may note that her eyeline does seem to be wavering somewhat, suggesting a certain 'flexibilty' with the truth.

Not that Jodie is any stranger to the odd fib: take a look at this adjudication from the Press Complaints Commission. Having Jodie doing a "kiss and tell" on you would be bad enough, but if you hadn't even done it you'd be hopping, wouldn't you? Still, after the World Cup Frank Lampard failing to score isn't that much of a shock, is it?

It's now a whole month since Jodie updated her own site but there's no need to despair if you're a Jodie fan (or possibly a non fan, anti-fan or phan) there's the Jodie Mush site
, which does follow in the great tradition. The most fun you can have without needing someone to hold your hair back!

Here's a sample:

The One Where I Start a New Charity!!!!!!!

Now you may not know it but I’m not just naturally gorgeous, with perfect natural tits, a body men dream about, and a charming personality, but I’ve also got an absolutely enormous IQ AND 11 GCSES AND three A levels at undisclosed grades in unspecified subjects, and I’ve turned that that really, really big cleverness to both enabling YOU to acquire a touch of that Jodie Mush glamour and help a deserving cause at the same time!!!! Bet you can’t wait to find out how, but I’m going to make you wait, just like I do when I want to get a man begging for me, so I don’t go all the way until we get home. Usually.

Yesterday I had the usual round of exciting meetings about top secret TV projects which I can’t talk about yet, and absolutely mountains of paperwork. After I’d found the right bit to stick on the contract that’s probably going to get me £250,000 and a car from Reader’s Digest I got another personal letter. It was from some prat poor girl who is being bullied at school. Well, that’s a subject I care deeply about (Have I ever mentioned I was bullied at school?) so I answer both all the thousands of letters I get on this subject personally. I pressed ‘Print’ on the computer myself, and signed it myself. This is the letter I send to everyone who writes to me about being bullied.

Dear ****
It’s really rotten being bullied. The way to deal with it is to start wearing more make up and less clothes, and start sucking up to big tough blokes who can beat the bullies up. When I say “sucking up” I mean blow jobs. But you don’t want them to think you’re cheap, so make sure they buy you at least two drinks before you touch their knob. Oh, and if you’re ugly get your parents to pay for cosmetic surgery.

After such an exhausting day I felt like heading off to Bluewater to do some shopping, so I rounded up everyone in the house, Krusty, soulmate Kyle, a couple of Daves and a bloke I’d never seen before whose name turns out to be Dave too!!!! Comedy!!!! Kyle asked if I could drop him off so he could “sign on”. I’d never heard of that before, but it turns out that if you do something really creative like sell wigs on a shopping channel and you’ve got time left over you can pop over to a little office and give them your autograph every two weeks and they send you a cheque for it! Well, I’ve signed several autographs when I’m in the mood, so I reckon I’m well qualified for this “signing on” lark. It’s the nuts!!!! All the best people will be copying me and doing it soon. After that we all went to MacDonalds, where I had my usual two buns with cheese, double fries and a shake, coz I’m a vegetarian. The we sat about for ages trying to decide on a creative, original way to spend the evening, and decided to go down the Syrup Shack and get pissed!!! To be honest I don’t remember too much about it, but I do remember throwing up three times, so it must have been fun!!!!!

Anyway, this morning I woke up with about ten hangers on of my best mates in my bed. Nothing funny about that, I sleep with anyone who asks all my mates. There was Krusty, Celeb Dave, Knobby, Gangster Dave, Jord, Another Dave, Dave Piccolo (He’s the one I used to go out with, until I dumped him, right? I dumped HIM. I’ve never been dumped, ever. I dumped him. And the reason is that he’s got a really tiny tool, which is why I call him Dave Piccolo, right?) And there was Nit Nurse Noreen, and a couple of Piccolo Dave’s sixth formers, and the bouncer I’d given a blowjob in the club, coz it’s always a good idea to have the bouncers as your mates, whose name turned out to be Dave too!!! Comedy!!!


Anyway Jord started whining on about wanting to play in a proper recording studio explaining how he had some fantastic new songs which the world deserved to hear. I started to explain that he was a useless, scrounging layabout how money might soften the suffering which made his music so soulful, and I shook my head sadly, at which point one of the Chihuahuas which was entangled in my hair extensions banged into my nose. Turns out it’d been hanging there all morning but no-one had wanted to tell me coz they knew it’s upset me so much coz I love my pets so much. Turns out that not only had it bee dangling there for half an hour, it’d had a crap too!!!! Comedy!!! So I had to make sure Kyle earned his keep with the scissors cutting it all out. It was while he was doing that I had my brilliant idea. When I was on Richard and Judy (promoting myself) talking movingly about domestic violence I’d taken a handbag with me!!! Well, that handbag had been on TV, so it was Celebrity Memorabilia!!!! So I could flog it on Ebay and give Jord some of the proceeds. Somebody said that the handbag I’d carried when talking about domestic violence might be a bit of a downer as a title, so I wrote a list of all the blokes I’d slept with (recently) and what crap shags they were and put that in too!!!! So start bidding now for a chance to have a slice of Jodie Mush’s fame and find out which is the smallest knob I’ve ever handled too!!!! All proceeds go to Jord and My Musical Interest Growth Investment Trust (JAMMI GIT) so it’s a worthy cause. It’s a CHARITY right? A charity for helping the most talented unsigned musician in my house to play about in a recording studio.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thursday June 29 - The one where my boobs steal the show and all the boys from mcfly ask me out!!



well hello again fans BIG NEWS!! Yesteray I went shopping in Bluewater. I bought EVERYTHING I FANCIED. EVEN THINGS THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE!! COMEDY. Its so cool being rich and famous - you must be so jealous. Then I came home and made veggie burgers from scratch - yeah like added my own tomato ketchup and everyfing. Then I played with err.. what's its name again? oh yeah Lyla Plum. She is the nuts. She's my baby. She's getting too big for her little jumpers and booties now though so I am starting to get broody for another one. Now where did I leave that breeder's number? Then I watched TV. Then I had some hired help come and wash my hair for me cos the organisers of the premiere for Just my Luck had rung me and BEGGED me to come along to add some glamour to the proceedings.

Well you know me guys - I wasn't gonner let 'em down. I wore my wedding crasher cowgirl outfit - cos that went down sooo well at the wedding - I mean those lucky folks couldn't take their eyes off me!! They were so impressed they didn't even ask for my autograph!!

But since this was more of an A list event than a wedding I decided to glam it up a bit. I searched my wardrobe and Oh Boy did I come up with a fantastic idea!! A tiny studded belt as a top.!!! i mean no-one will ever be photographed in a smaller top ever ever. It was my best idea ever guys. No-one has ever seen anything like it. Wait til I post my photos on here!! My dad loved it - he took loads of photos of me wearing it in my bedroom. There's a beautiful one where I'm stood in front of a picture of my murdered friend looking all sad and thoughtful into the distance - we are goinng to have that one blown up and framed and hung in Jordan's bedroom (my brother the onewitherecorddeal not vileuuglyplasticboobed one!)

It was a fantastic idea cos I am due on and you know when I am due on (cos I told you remember?) my boobs get like really pumped and rounded and lush. The belt did the rest and even if I do say so myself I looked the NUTS!! No way do I need a boob job like that plastic bint vile horrible Jordan!!!

And so with my best ever cleavage in the world evah and my lovely long lush blond hair I just stole the show. Even I couldn't believe how many times the paparazzi begged me to pose!! That vile horrible ugly Jade was there - dressed like some sort of normal person - I mean her career is so going down the pan if she carries on dressing like some housewife. Like make an effort.!! FILTH.

And those boys from mcfly - they were so begging me to get in a pic with them. Afterwards they all slipped me their numbers and begged me to call em for dates. I might tell you about that later guys if I decide to take 'em up on their offer. i mean I get a bit put off when guys are too keen. Know what I mean?

Anyway that guy from Sugar Hut is still under my skin like an itch. Oh no hang on that's fleas from the 31 dogs I seem to have collected. FILTH!! COMEDY!!

I just don't understand why that guy won't just get that he wants me!! what's wrong with him? I mean we are talking about the person who is referred to as the Human Viagra here!! I think I'll give him one more go (if you are reading this I am well hot for you and will do anything that you want in bed) I got few new tops on the market that give me the best cleavage ever in the history of cleavages. I'm so loving my natural boobs at the moment. I'm gonna wear one of em with some cheese string for a skirt and my £700 shoes on saturday night.....


Jodie Marsh as told to carolinezara (BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE)

Jodie Marsh's Fake Knockers


Can You See The Difference?

Can You See The Join?

Now there have been some gaps in Jodie's blogs recently, and some corresponding gaps on here too. Now we have confirmation of what she's been doing. The picture top left was taken in March, the top right one in June. Looks like someone has taken a bicycle pump to Dolly Parton. Hideous, as Jodie is prone to say.

This is the woman, remember, who slagged off a woman in her blog thus: This girl had severe problems and acted in the most disgusting way I have EVER in my whole life see I woman act. So unladylike and undignified. Without class, style, manners, decorum, respect for others and self-respect. Filth...She, on the other hand, has all of her tits hanging out of a top that is two sizes too small for her, she's dolled up to the nines with a full face of make-up.

After much debate, we've decided that though these breasts are undoubtedly fake, they're probably stuck on top, rather than inserted. Follow the line of the ring finger here: and the white line which I'd initially taken to be a surgery scar is in fact where they're stuck on. There's another similar line here and a similar one under the necklace in this one.

So: they are fake, but stuck on, rather than inside.

Quite why she's doing it at the premiere of a film aimed at teenagers is another matter of course. Here's Jodie on her moral high horse: Oh, just remembered: going back to the jealous one (Malone). The one who called me things like "slapper" etc. She turned up in a see-through top and was told to change it as everyone could see her bra, on what is essentially a family show!!! Classic!! So, I'm wearing combats and a vest and look very nice and normal and she's got her jugs hanging out under a see-through top, on a show that airs in the afternoon!!! I mean, I've worn my fair share of see-through tops but only at the right time and place.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Jodie Marsh's Knockers

Now, we all know that Jodie doesn't take too kindly to criticism - just ask Phil Willis MP if you're in any doubt about that. And that she often uses other people's appearances as weapons. But honestly, She... has all of her tits hanging out of a top that is two sizes too small for her, she's dolled up to the nines with a full face of make-up and she's driving a convertible sports car.

Says Jodie Marsh. This Jodie Marsh...Who drives, If you want big, you can't get bigger than this!!! It look so mean and sexy in black... My new car is so powerful that I nearly wet my knickers every time I think of it! The words POT and KETTLE seem hopelessly inadequate in the face of such chutzpah.

YOU ARE, WHAT YOU EAT, JODIE


As friend of this space Moletta has pointed out elsewhere. So the picture above gives a good guide to where the Pizza Express dough balls have landed, whereas down below we see the McDonald's cheesy buns...
However, Wow I can feel my bum tightening as I type!
Why? Well, the motivation seems clear. Something (that 'Heat' magazine cover where she featured as one of 'Celebrities Looking Lardy'?) has convinced her to lose weight. It couldn't be, could it, that her constant pleading has worn down the producers of 'Love Island' and they're letting her on? She is busy with secret things but she always is and nothing ever seems to appear.

The Marsh route to bottom pertness doesn't involve changing her diet, still 80% carbohydrate, 10% fat and 10% alcohol, or going to the gym. No, she's followed the advice of every vacuous woman's mag and enrolled in a salsa class.


But Jodie doesn't do anything alone. Lauren is doing the Monday classes with me and last night my mum and dad and Tony joined us. Pants and Russ were supposed to come too but Pants didn't manage to get back from work in time and Russ was just being a girl. He ended up coming with Jord and a bird to stand at the bar and watch us! So, Everyone bumping and grinding and hot and sweaty! Now call me old-fashioned, but however much I love Old Mother Entrails I really don't want to grind groins with her. They do things differently in Essex, clearly.

Now we all know how highly Jodie regards Big Brother, don't we? It's entertainment on tv (if you can call it that) - more like: it's putting a load of people in a house together to watch what happens when they start to rip each other to pieces. I know now what it must feel like to be a bull in a ring, about to be attacked from every angle. It's not entertainment, it's sick and twisted and edited to give maximum shock factor and minimum care for the people involved. Jodie's blog 18/Jan/06

But for some reason, now, I'm still addicted to Big Brother as well. It's not good for my health! I truly love Nikki, Glyn and Pete. They are so amusing to watch! Sitting watching it last night after salsa I realised something though; as much as I loathe Grace and some of the others, I could NEVER bring myself to actually pick up the phone and vote. No, I wouldn't feel right about sitting at home viciously dialling a number to try and get rid of someone from the show.

Presumably that would remind her too much of the folks who spent their time viciously dialling a number to try and get rid of her from the Celebrity version. Not only is she a class above the viewers, but the contestants too. Big Brother isn't about talent, it's not about charity. It's about a load of people who are so desperate to be famous that they go into a show that could possibly last three whole months. They sit around doing nothing and they put their lives into the producers hands to let them edit it any way they want... If I was a normal person wanting to get famous though, you wouldn't get me on that show in a million years! Nutters, the lot of em'! ;)

Why can't they do some proper work to get famous, like stripping or posing for pictures like this... or appearing on reality TV shows?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Brentford Boulevard

At present it’s just a nightmare, but I can imagine myself, in a few years time fleeing from debt collectors (that bit’s extremely plausible) and pulling into the drive of a dilapidated house. A neglected house gets an unhappy look. This one had it in spades.
The garden was full of abandoned and neglected toys, a rusty quad bike and a Jacuzzi sprouting weeds. It looked like the adults had moved out years ago, and the kids had run riot for a while before moving on too.
“Madam is expecting you. The departed is at the foot of the stripper’s pole.” The guy had the bloated face of someone who breakfasts on neat vodka, three days of stubble on chin and head, and was squeezed into a threadbare monkey suit two sizes too small. “We mustn’t keep Madam waiting.”
“Show the gentleman in, Jordan Mybrothernotthevileone.”
The room he showed me into looked like a museum of tat and smelled like Battersea Dogs’ Home in a heat wave. One look at the lady of the house was enough to prove she was madder than a sack of ferrets and about as friendly. Her hair was a mess of nylon as tangled as Tony Blair’s psyche, she was wearing a dress which belonged to a streetwalker half her size, her skin seemed to have been dyed Day Glo orange, and her lipstick was crawling up her nostrils, under a nose which looked like a ski jump in profile… I remembered!
“Aren’t you Jodie Marsh? Used to be big in tit mags?”
“My tits still are big. It’s the mags which got small.” She gestured, “And now, aren’t you going to attend to Kenzie?”
After a frantic scan of the room I noticed a wooden box just about big enough for a pair of shoes, lined with pink satin. In it lay a very dead chihuahua. “I loved him so much. I’ve had his name tattooed on my thigh, here…” She lifted her skirt to reveal a thigh which looked like a puffy version of the Orange Pages, a cornucopia of animal ‘in memoriam’ notes, plus ‘Heartbreaker,’ because, she said, “that’s what I am.”
She may not have used a needle and ink, but “Mad Bitch” was written all over her face just as clearly as if she had.
When I explained I wasn’t a pet mortician but a writer she wanted to show me something she’d written. As long as it wasn’t on her flesh anything was an improvement.
“It’s a fiction novel. It’ll make me the English Jackie Collins…”
Sometimes it's interesting to see just how bad bad writing can be. This promised to go the limit. It was, unsurprisingly, the story of a beautiful, brilliant, charming, generous young girl with a slightly bent nose, whose life was made a misery by vile, hideous bullies until she has a nose job and starts dressing and acting like a slapper. That sets her on the path to international celebrity, wealth, fame, being irresistible to men, a ceaseless worker for charity, but nasty, vile, hideous people who are jealous of her say nasty things about her for no reason until, eventually she withdraws from celebrity, along with her brother, who forsakes his glittering musical career when he is on the brink of becoming an international superstar to be with his sister.
“It needs a little trimming?”
This writer stops at the bedroom door, so you don’t get to hear about the evenings when Jordan Mybrothernotthevileone entertained with his organ, or the visits from the waxworks, Kyle her Sozzled Mate, Rusted, Soiled Pants, and Bag Lady Lauren (“Can you believe it, they said she couldn’t work as a teacher unless she went to Rehab! And she hardly drinks!”) You don’t have to smell the bed: dogs, urine, doggy and human, make up, vodka-soaked sweat. Who could stand the stench of that bed?
You don’t have to listen in to the drunken tantrums, tears and suicide threats. “Don’t leave me like all the others!”
Cut to her at the dressing table, sticking a postage stamp to each nipple and painting yet another layer of slap over the caked on layers.
“I’m ready for my close up now.”

Saturday, June 10, 2006

A Week In The Life of Jodie Marsh

Now you can say what you like about Jodie's writing style - stilted and childish are two words I'd favour - but you can't argue with the quantity: one week away and there's 7,000 words screeching for attention.

What kind of person feels that the world wants 7,000 words a week detailing the minutiae of their life? A narcissist, perhaps?

I've mentioned before that the phrase Narcissistic Personality Disorder seems close, so with all the evidence to hand, let's see if there are any matches, shall we?

The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are:

A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes


Now the first of Ms Marsh's outpourings in her blog was (I'm not making this up, really I'm not) How to interview a celeb properly!


When the person interviewing you is really nice; you tell them FAR more than when they are just matter-of-factly asking questions. The girl who did the interview yesterday was so nice that I found myself telling her things I wouldn't normally tell in an interview (including some of the things I'm putting in my first novel, which until now has been totally top secret). I've done hundreds of interviews over the last 4 years and you'd be surprised at the different people I've spoken to and how they have approached interviewing me. Some are very professional, merely asking questions and not giving any sort of response to my answer - I then don't give too much away as I don't feel like they are that interested. Some have even sounded totally bored when interviewing me (God knows why cos I'm a GREAT interview!! Ha ha), but of course if the person interviewing sounds bored then I'm immediately bored and don't want to tell them anything! Some have sounded almost like a fan, chatting non-stop about how amazing I am and how much they love some of the things I've done - this then makes me feel slightly uncomfortable and I don't want to ramble on about myself. Some haven't done their research and that pisses me off (one I remember didn't even know that I was bullied at school - a commonly know fact - and that in turn meant that I couldn't be bothered to explain it). The interview yesterday with Reveal however was the perfect interview. The girl was warm and friendly, interested in what I had to say and she was nice with it. She knew her stuff about me; she had a laugh with me. She talked about my style (2 belts) and other things that I enjoy talking about. She wasn't a fan, she wasn't bored (or at least she didn't let on if she was), she just treated me like a normal person and asked all the right questions. Because of this I opened up and told her everything she wanted to know. In fact, it was so good that I thought afterwards she should give lessons to other journalists about how to get a great interview out of someone. She could really teach some people a thing or two.



Points 3-5, I'd say. Oh, and there's no excuse for not knowing about her! Ask me "why do you think people don't like you" or "why do you think you're seen as a slapper" and I'm not going to enjoy it. But Ask me "how do you pull so many men" ... and I'll chat all day long!

If you are priveliged enough to be granted an audience, mind your Ps and Qs, I could use Chantelle as an example here: if an interviewer asks me "do you still speak to Chantelle?" I know they haven't done their research and that annoys me. I'm then not going to feel like chatting to someone who doesn't know even the simplest things about me. If a person says "were you angry at the way Chantelle treated you when you came out of the house?" then I know they know their stuff and will happily give them an answer. There's nothing worse than giving an interview to someone who still thinks Chantelle is lovely and that we could have been best friends! I'm real and I like the person interviewing me to be real. If they can see that Chantelle turned out to be two-faced and not very nice then I know I'm speaking to a real person. It's not hard.

Just be a "real person" and agree with Jodie. Just not too enthusiastically lest you sound almost like a fan, chatting non-stop about how amazing I am.

Friday 2nd June 2006 - I've got green fingers!
I took Matt to a garden centre with the intention of "just having a look". An hour and a half later we had loaded up the boot of my truck with 50 plants and shrubs and were on our way back to mine. Spot more impulsive behaviour there, rather like, I decided at 5pm that I NEEDED another bulldog. I surfed the net for Breeders in Essex and by 8pm was sitting on my living room floor with a tiny wrinkly bundle of joy crawling all over me.

I had Dave my next door neighbour, Rusty (he was back with Jordan in tow - who didn't want to help as he had "nice" clothes on), Matt and three workmen from next door shovelling and digging. I stood and watched. The narcissist uses others to aid him in any tasks he undertakes and will frequently take credit for work which others have done. Now I've made a start on the garden I'm inspired enough to do the rest.

A large majority of these individuals with NPD, perhaps up to 50%, are substance abusers. Jordan and Russ are going out to get drunk and I am going to have a big one tomorrow cos Lauren is back from Canada.

Jodie then goes out and runs into a guy who looked just like Valentino Rossi. Narcissists will over inflate their own accomplishments, are boastful, and pretentious. They frequently will compare themselves to people of great accomplishments and are surprised when others do not agree with them.

He won't give up. After another hour I'm quite liking his persistence and therefore liking him a bit more. A narcissistic individual has a fragile sense of self. To strengthen his sense of self he depends on other's admiration and constant attention.

He tried to act like a gangster and totally blew the ground he'd made up after his very dodgy start. Why oh why is the world full of weirdos?!
If an individual disappoints him then he will devalue that person.

Tuesday 6th June 2006: Oh my god, guess what...........? I've joined a Salsa class! What, has Jodie done something by herself? Oh no, And it gets better, so have Lauren, my mum, dad, Tony and Pants. Russ, Jord and Paul are all considering it! Unable to risk doing anything alone, Jodie has to take her supporters with her.

As Moletta has pointed out, whatever Jodie does ends up the same: I've always been an outrageous dresser and I'm too much of an individual to wanna look like all the other nuns (who are all bullying me by the way). Anyway, I've shortened my habit to just cover my knickers (I'm going for a kind of 'sexy but modest' look) and I've gone for a habit that's 4 sizes too small, so with my sexy red bra underneath and the neckline lowered it gives me the most amazing cleavage ever!!!!! Seriously people, it looks like I've got the Mitchell brothers in there. The hat thing (wimble? womple? whatever!) was pretty boring too, so I've got rid of that and my-soul-mate-Kyle has given me the most amazing black and white extensions which I've backcombed and piled up on my head. I look the nuts!!!!!!!!

Last night in evensong I was just minding my own business chatting to Sister Lauren (I've dragged all my mates down - Brother Pants, Brother Russ, Brother not-vile-Jordan-brother, even Brother Parge and Sister Marge have come and we've just completely taken over the abbey. Comedy!) when this priest came over and said we should be quiet cos people were trying to pray. Erm, mate, if you wanna shag me that is NOT the way to go about it. I eat little old men like you for breakfast - there's a very good reason I've got 'mad bitch' tattooed across my forehead. If you wanna get anywhere with THE famous Jodie Marsh then you just need to..... (witters on for another 5,000 insane words)


Back at the salsa class, I used to go to dance classes when I was younger. I did Latin American and Ballroom dancing and also contemporary street dance. I even toured the country going to dance shows and won loads of medals in dance competitions. I've still got all the trophies at my mum's house.

Really? So why's she never mentioned it before? A narcissist presents a false self to the world. Under his inferiority is a preoccupation with fantasies of outstanding achievement, ideal love, and an aimless orientation toward superficial interests. Lying is an integral part of the narcissist's behavior and all their self-reports are unreliable.